When Mother’s Day Hurts

Mother’s Day is just around the corner. For some of your friends and family, it’s a warm celebration filled with flowers, brunch, and heartfelt cards. But that warm fuzziness seems a pipe dream for you. It’s a complicated day that puts a knot in your stomach and an ache in your heart.

Whether you’re currently no contact with your mother, navigating a strained or distant relationship, or wrestling with a complex mix of love, resentment, grief, and obligation, this holiday can bring up a lot. First, and foremost, please know that you’re not alone. And if you’ve been feeling that mix of dread and sadness as the day approaches, I want you to take this chance to pause, breathe, and reflect on your feelings and experiences without judgment.

Mother-Child Relationships Aren’t Always Hallmark Cards

There’s this collective cultural narrative around motherhood that says mothers are selfless, nurturing, and always there. So when or if your experience doesn’t align with that image, a lot of us are left feeling disoriented, isolated, even shameful. You might find yourself having thoughts like Why don’t I feel grateful? Or Why do I feel guilty for setting boundaries with a person who doesn’t truly get me? Or maybe even Why does Mother’s Day make me feel like I want to crawl out of my skin?

Maybe you had a mom who confided in you about things that shouldn’t ever be shared with a child. Maybe you were cast in the role of emotional caretaker (hello parentification) before you even had a chance to be a kid. Maybe your differences—religious, political, or simply personality-based—created a rift that never really healed. Or maybe there’s been deep betrayal, emotional abuse, or years of not feeling seen.

These dynamics don’t vanish just because it’s the second Sunday in May. In fact, they tend to bubble up even more painfully.

“But She’s Your Mother…”

One of the most hurtful things I hear from clients is how others respond when they try to talk about these complicated feelings. It often sounds like:

• “You only get one mom.”

• “But she gave you life!”

• “Maybe if you just talked to her...”

While these statements are usually well-intentioned, they can be incredibly invalidating. They ignore the pain you’ve experienced, the boundaries you’ve set (or are trying to set) for your mental health, and the nuanced reality of your story.

What gets lost in the “but she’s your mother” narrative is your humanity—your right to protect yourself, to grieve what you didn’t get, and to create emotional safety, even if that means distance.

Therapy as a Brave Space During Mother’s Day & Beyond

This Mother’s Day, I want you to permit yourself to not feel celebratory. To skip the card aisle. To not stress yourself trying to find the perfect gift for your mother. Or, permit yourself to grieve in any way that feels right to you, even if that looks like numbness.

I also understand that, while this is easy to suggest, it’s not easy. And while your first thoughts around this time of year may not necessarily be “Oh, therapy might help me to better understand and handle these overwhelming feelings,” I want to extend a helping, empathetic hand. You don’t have to defend your feelings. You don’t have to explain why you’re hurt or justify why you’ve set boundaries. You’re allowed to simply be.

Therapy offers something unique: a space with someone who “doesn’t have a dog in the fight.” I’m not going to tell you that you have to call your mom. I’m not going to tell you to just “get over it” or “be the bigger person.” Instead, therapy can be a brave space where you sit with the full range of your emotions—grief, rage, confusion, relief, guilt—and begin to understand them.

Mother’s Day Gloom?

I’m here for you to cry, vent, or sit in silence. I’m here to help you begin to name the patterns, the wounds, the unmet needs. To move forward despite these things that have happened, despite your current relationship with your mother. I’m here to help you begin to reclaim something powerful: your truth. 

Therapy for Relationships & Life Challenges in Charlotte, NC & SC

If Mother’s Day feels heavy for you this year, I want to remind you: you’re not the only one.

There are countless people out there who are holding a quiet grief, an invisible pain, or a complicated set of emotions. There are those who’ve been hurt by a mother’s words that should never have been said. Those who’ve wrestled with the guilt of stepping back for their own mental health. Those who still crave something more but know it may never come.

You are not broken for feeling this way. You are human.

If you’re ready, take this year’s Mother’s Day to take one small step toward healing—not because you’re supposed to reconcile or forgive, but because you deserve peace.

Whatever you choose to do this Mother’s Day, may you feel compassion for yourself and be grounded in your truth. You are not alone. And your experience matters.

If you’re a resident of North Carolina or South Carolina, please don’t hesitate to reach out for a complimentary 30-minute phone consultation. I’d be honored to sit beside you and help you in your healing journey.

I would like to be clear that this blog post is not intended to substitute for professional counseling. If you are in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional counselor.

Cheryl D. Perry MA, LCMHC, LPC, NCC