7 Tips to Help You Build Self-Advocacy & Personal Boundaries

Imagine this: You're with friends and the group decides on a plan that doesn't sit well with you. Perhaps they chose a restaurant you dislike or an activity that doesn't resonate with your interests. Despite feeling uncomfortable, you remain silent, opting to go with the flow rather than voice your opinion. Later, as you reflect on the less-than-optimal evening, a sense of unease settles in. You berate yourself for not speaking up, for not asserting your preferences, and for not being true to yourself. You feel angry, disappointed, and unfulfilled. 

For many of my clients, this scenario is all too familiar. The fear of judgment, rejection, or conflict often overshadows their desire to express themselves truthfully. Instead, they internalize their feelings, allowing them to fester and grow into feelings of dissatisfaction and low self-worth.

I get it! Sometimes it's not easy to voice your opinions or stand up for yourself, especially if you grapple with anxiety and/or depression. When we can't voice our desires, needs, or opinions, we feel powerless and frustrated.

Need a boost in finding your self-worth?

As a therapist, I want to stress how crucial it is to address these challenges--not only so you can enjoy yourself, but so that you can set healthy boundaries and have a better sense of self-worth. Let's explore some of the reasons why we tend to struggle with self-advocacy and strategies we can employ to empower ourselves. 

Understanding the Root Causes of Feeling Undeserving

Before diving into practical techniques, we have to first address underlying factors that may contribute to having a hard time advocating for ourselves. For many, past experiences of invalidation, criticism, or rejection may have shaped their beliefs about speaking up and asserting themselves. Traumatic events or relationships characterized by power imbalances can deeply affect how we view our self-worth.  

It may even seem normal to be a go-with-the-flow person or to otherwise accept external pressures to do, say, or feel certain ways. And sometimes, that's perfectly ok! So often we're told to put others before ourselves. It's when we regret our silence, don't feel "enough," or don't get our own needs met that this lack of boundaries can take its toll. 

How can we begin to advocate for ourselves and build those boundaries that let us not only survive but thrive?

How to Improve Our Feelings of Self-Worth

1. Take Time to Know Yourself

Ask yourself: what do I really want/need? Self-awareness is one of the cornerstones of effective self-advocacy. Try to find the time to explore your thoughts, feelings, and values. This will help you to identify what truly matters to you. When you can gain clarity on your needs, wants, and boundaries, you're laying the groundwork for assertive communication.

2. Practice Being Assertive

Assertive communication can be incredibly hard, but the more you practice, the easier it gets. Some people fear being assertive means being harsh, or rude, but remember, assertive communication just means you are expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs in a clear, respectful manner while respecting the rights of others. 

Try role-playing scenarios with friends or family in a safe space. Try using "I" statements like "I'm not much of a night owl, so I'll stay in tonight" or "I feel uncomfortable with XYZ. I'll be doing XYZ instead." 

3. Practice Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are the invisible lines that define the limits of what we deem acceptable behavior in our relationships. When we assert our boundaries, we protect our emotional well-being and preserve our autonomy. Practice communicating your boundaries assertively and reinforcing them. For example, you could set a time at night when you stop answering text messages, or excuse yourself from group discussions that turn to gossip. 

4. Recognize Fear and Anxiety

Fear of rejection or conflict often underlies the reluctance to speak up. If we can recognize these feelings and employ coping strategies to manage anxiety, it becomes easier to advocate for ourselves.What's most important is that we recognize discomfort is natural when stepping outside our comfort zones--it means we're growing and getting closer to self-empowerment.

5. Have a Little Self-Compassion

While you're practicing self-advocacy and building boundaries, remind yourself that it's okay to make mistakes or face setbacks along the way. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer to a friend, who may very well be facing similar struggles.

6. Build a Support Network

Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries and encourage you to grow. Whether it's seeking support from friends, family, or joining support groups, having a reliable support network can help you build the confidence you need to advocate for yourself.

7. Celebrate Progress

Acknowledge and celebrate even the smallest steps you make towards self-advocacy and boundary-setting. Reflect on your successes and the positive outcomes of them. When you recognize your progress, you reinforce your belief you can change your life!

Therapy for Building Self-Confidence, Self-Worth, and Advocacy in Charlotte, NC 

The journey towards greater self-confidence and boundaries isn't easy, but with a little patience, self-awareness, and guidance, everyone can learn to assert themselves confidently, honor their needs and desires, and cultivate healthier, more fulfilling relationships. As a therapist, my role is to provide support, validation, and practical tools to empower you on this transformative journey toward authentic living. If you'd like help in speaking up and honoring yourself, please reach out. I'm here for you!

I would like to be clear that this blog post is not intended to substitute for professional counseling. If you are in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional counselor.