October often feels like the quiet drumroll before the holiday season begins. At the end of the month, we kick off with Halloween—a favorite for both kids and adults. Then comes November and Thanksgiving, which quickly rolls into December with Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, and more. Lastly, but not least, January marks the beginning of the New Year.

That’s four months of celebrations, expectations, and transitions all stacked together. It’s no wonder that, for many, October is when we start to prepare mentally. We make lists. We check our calendars. We start thinking about travel plans, gifts, budgets, and all the moving parts that make up “the holidays.”

But let’s pause here and check in.

“I hate how my legs look in shorts.”

“I’ll never be a good partner.”

“I don’t work hard enough, no wonder I’m failing.”

Have you ever caught yourself thinking thoughts like these? Maybe you’ve stood in front of a mirror, picking apart every detail of your appearance. Or maybe you made a mistake at work, in your relationship, in parenting, and the harsh commentary inside your mind kicked in instantly: “Why can’t I ever get it right?”

Now pause for a moment. Imagine someone you love, a friend, a sister, a child, saying these exact things about themselves. Would you agree with them? Would you nod and say, “Yes, you’re right, you are failing”?

Probably not. You’d remind them of their worth, their effort, their strengths. 

So why does your inner voice speak to you so differently?

The world feels heavy right now. The political climate is exhausting. Women’s health and autonomy are under constant debate. Starting a family feels more uncertain than ever. If you’re trans or in an LGBTQIA+ relationship, there are still far too many barriers to simply existing safely, let alone attempting things like adopting a child or accessing affirming healthcare. All of this—on top of the regular stress of daily life—can make maintaining mental health an uphill battle.

In moments like this, we need to ask ourselves these questions: Who’s in our community? More specifically, who’s in our mental health community?