Loving Yourself First

Valentine’s Day tends to shine a particular spotlight on love. Romantic love. Partnered love. The kind of love that comes in heart-shaped boxes and social media captions. And while there’s nothing wrong with celebrating connection with others, this time of year can also quietly stir up feelings of loneliness, pressure, or self-criticism.

I encourage you to widen that definition of love. Because before we focus on seeking love from others, it’s important to look at the relationship we have with ourselves.

And that relationship? It’s the one we’re guaranteed to have for our entire lives.

What Self-Love Looks Like

When we think of self-love, some of us think of it in abstract ways: affirmations, holding “self” as sacred, treating yourself as your inner child, etc. But self-love can be very practical. It can look like caring for your body in small, intentional ways. Maybe that’s upgrading your soap to something that smells amazing, hanging eucalyptus in your shower, trying a discovery set of perfumes just for fun, or buying trial-sized beauty products instead of committing to something expensive.

These things might seem small or superficial, but they’re not. They’re acts of attention. They’re ways of saying, I matter enough to be cared for.

Loving your body doesn’t have to mean loving how it looks every single day. It can mean respecting it. Listening to it. Offering it comfort and care.

Your body is the one constant relationship you will always be in.

The One Relationship You’re Guaranteed

Many of us didn’t grow up with ideal parents or supportive families. Some of us learned early on to look outside ourselves for approval, safety, or love. But no matter what your family story looks like, one thing is true: you will always have yourself.

That’s why cultivating a loving relationship with yourself is so important. It’s not selfish. It’s not indulgent. It’s foundational.

When clients say things like, “I don’t like my stomach,” or “I hate that my silhouette is so boxy,” I don’t dismiss those feelings. It’s okay to want change. Diet, exercise, and even medical interventions can be valid choices for some people.

But we also pause and reframe.

Your body has gotten you this far.

Your body carried you through a pandemic. Through stress, grief, change, exhaustion, and growth. It has adapted to countless ups and downs, often without you even noticing.

Your body is stronger than you probably give it credit for.

You Deserve Love.
Now Let Me Help You See That.

Loving Yourself As You Are 

Self-love doesn’t mean waiting until you’re “better.” Thinner. Calmer. More productive. More healed.

It means learning to care for yourself now.

You can work toward goals while still respecting the body you’re in today. You can want growth without withholding compassion. Loving yourself as you are doesn’t mean giving up; it simply means you’re not fighting yourself.

And that internal peace matters.

Finding Small Joys in Heavy Times

Right now, many people are carrying a lot. The world can feel heavy. Days can blur together. Motivation can feel hard to come by.

That’s why finding small joys is so important.

Take opportunities to take pride in yourself, whether that’s how you handled a hard conversation, how you showed up for your kids, or how you got through a tough week. Let yourself enjoy small pleasures without guilt.

Don’t apologize for the space you take up.
Don’t apologize for your emotions.
Don’t apologize for needing rest, care, or support.

Self-Love Is a Practice (And Everyone Needs It)

Loving yourself deeply doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a practice. One that often needs support, reflection, and unlearning old patterns of self-criticism.

Therapy can be a powerful place to explore what self-love means for you, especially if kindness toward yourself feels unfamiliar or uncomfortable. Learning to truly feel love for yourself can change how you relate to your body, your relationships, and your life.

This Valentine’s Day, consider widening the circle of love to include yourself. Not as an afterthought, but as the foundation. If you are a resident of North or South Carolina and you’re looking for guidance when it comes to self-love, please don’t hesitate to reach out for a complimentary consultation. 

When you learn to treat yourself with care, respect, and compassion, everything else has more room to grow.

I would like to be clear that this blog post is not intended to substitute for professional counseling. If you are in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional counselor.

Cheryl D. Perry MA LCMHC LPC NCC