There's No One Right Way to Give Back
I hear a version of the same worry from a lot of my clients: "I want to be doing more for my community, but I don't know if what I'm doing counts." Some of them are out at protests every weekend. Some volunteer quietly at their church or a local nonprofit. Some give money when they can. Some show up for their neighbor's kids, or cook a meal for a grieving family, or use their voice on social media. And almost all of them, at some point, have wondered whether their way is the right way (or worse, have felt judged by someone else who supports the community differently than they do.)
Here’s the thing: there is no single right way to give back. And the comparison, the quiet (or not so quiet) judgment some of us pass on each other for "not doing enough" or "doing it the wrong way,” isn't serving any of us.
We All Show Up Differently (And That's Okay)
Some of us protest. Some of us volunteer our time. Some of us give our money. Some of us mentor a young person. Some of us vote, organize, write, teach, pray, listen, show up for a friend who's struggling, or simply make sure the people around us feel seen. All of it counts. All of it matters.
We all carry different beliefs, values, abilities, schedules, and budgets. A single mother working two jobs may not have the time to attend every rally, but she is raising the next generation of our community with intention and love (and guess what, that is community work.) Someone managing a chronic illness or a mental health condition may not have the physical capacity to volunteer at a shelter, but they might be the person who always checks in on others, who offers steady emotional support, who creates safety in their corner of the world. That is community work too.
When we judge each other for the form our care takes, we chip away at something we should be protecting–our collective strength.
Wanting to "Do Something"
With everything going on in the world right now, I think a lot of us feel a real pull to do something, to not just sit on the sidelines while our community is struggling. That instinct is a good one. But I also want to gently remind you that "doing something" doesn't require grand gestures or constant sacrifice. It doesn't require burning yourself out. And it doesn't require ignoring your own needs to meet someone else's.
Helping others doesn't mean you're not also allowed to be struggling. You can be struggling to fill your cup and still find a small, sustainable way to pour into someone else’s. In fact, sometimes turning our attention outward, even briefly, reminds us we're not alone in what we're carrying, and reconnects us to a sense of purpose that anxiety and isolation can chip away at.
A Beautiful Reminder From the World Cup
I've found myself thinking about this a lot while watching the World Cup this summer. Across stadiums in the U.S., Mexico, and Canada, fans from completely different countries, cultures, and backgrounds have been sharing food, songs, traditions, and joy with total strangers who, an hour earlier, were "the opposing team." Supporters have traveled across the world, learned each other's chants, swapped jerseys, and celebrated each other's countries' histories, not because they agreed on everything, but because they recognized something human in each other worth connecting with.
That, to me, is community in its purest form: people turning their attention outward, curious about one another, generous with their joy, willing to learn something new from someone different from them. We don't need a global tournament to practice that. We can practice it right here, with each other, in the ways that fit who we are.
Summer is a Good Time to Recommit
Now that summer's here with vacations, family time, and kids out of school, it can feel like everything slows down, including our sense of civic or communal responsibility. But summer is actually a wonderful season to take a breath and ask yourself: what does giving back look like for me right now, in this season of my life?
It doesn't have to be permanent or perfect. It can be small. It can be seasonal. It can change as your life changes. What matters is that you decide intentionally, rather than letting guilt or comparison decide for you.
Feeling Fraught About Giving to Others While Supporting Yourself?
Ways to Turn Your Attention Outward
Volunteer your time with a local food bank, youth program, or community organization in your area.
Give financially, even a small, consistent amount to a cause or organization you believe in helps.
Mentor someone, a young person, a new professional, someone navigating something you've already walked through.
Check in on someone who might be struggling quietly. A phone call or a home-cooked meal can mean more than we realize.
Use your voice, whether that's at a protest, in a meeting, or in a conversation with family and friends.
Support BIPOC-owned businesses in your community, especially this summer when many rely on seasonal traffic.
Simply listen–sometimes the most generous thing you can offer someone is your full attention.
However You Show Up, It's Enough
If you protest, that's enough. If you volunteer, that's enough. If you give what you can financially, that's enough. If you mentor, listen, cook, pray, or simply show up for the people in your life with consistency and care, that's enough too. Let's release the habit of comparing each other's commitment to our community. We are stronger when all of our different ways of showing up are honored.
If you're navigating the tension between wanting to give to others and needing to take care of yourself, that's a conversation worth having. You deserve support as you figure out what balance looks like for you.
I’d be honored to give to you, so that you can give to others. Reach out for a complimentary 30-minute consultation.
I would like to be clear that this blog post is not intended to substitute for professional counseling. If you are in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional counselor.
Cheryl D. Perry MA LCMHC LPC NCC
