When Going “No Contact” is on the Table

Something has shifted. Over the past few years, I've been noticing it in my sessions, in online conversations, and in the culture at large. More and more people, especially those in their twenties and thirties, are talking openly about estrangement from their families. About going "no contact" with a parent. About deciding that the relationship, as it currently exists, is doing them more harm than good.

While we hear a lot about this “growing phenomenon,” this isn't entirely new. People have been quietly stepping back from difficult family relationships for as long as families have existed. What's different now is that we're talking about it. Out loud and without as much shame.

Why This is Happening Now

We live in a moment when conversations about mental health, childhood wounds, and the long-term impact of how we were raised are more accessible than ever. Social media, therapy culture, and a generation that grew up asking "but how does that make you feel?" has created space for people to look honestly at their relationships and ask whether those relationships are actually healthy.

A recent survey found that nearly two in five Americans had gone no contact with a friend or family member in the past year, with younger generations far more likely to make that choice–60% of Gen Z respondents had done so, as well as 50% of millennials. These are significant numbers, and I think they tell us something important: people are increasingly unwilling to stay in relationships (even family ones) that cause them consistent harm.

I've sat with clients in their twenties who, sometimes for the very first time, put language to an experience they've been silently carrying their whole lives: that their parent was their first bully. The person who was supposed to be their safe harbor was, in fact, one of the earliest and most consistent sources of pain in their life.

That realization can be both freeing and devastating at the same time. It doesn't erase the love that may also be there, and it doesn't make the decision simple. And it certainly doesn't mean estrangement is automatically the answer. But it does mean the question deserves to be taken seriously, without guilt or shame silencing it before you've even had a chance to think it through.

No Contact Isn't the Only Option

One thing I want to be clear about is this: going completely no contact is one point on a wide spectrum of choices. It does not need to be all-or-nothing. 

For example, some people choose no contact entirely. Others choose limited contact, say holidays only, phone calls but not visits, communication through a sibling or other family member. Others choose to stay in contact but with very firm, clearly communicated boundaries around certain topics, behaviors, or dynamics.

There is no universally correct answer. The right answer for you is the one that you’ve come to with clarity, honesty, and intention, that protects your wellbeing.

Has the thought of going “no contact” crossed your mind?

Questions Worth Asking Yourself When Thinking About Going No Contact

• How do I feel before, during, and after interactions with this person?

• Does contact leave me drained, anxious, or smaller than I was before?

• What would I need from this relationship for it to feel safe? And is that realistically going to happen?

• What am I hoping for? Reconciliation, distance, understanding, closure? What are my goals for this relationship?

• What does "limited contact" look like for me specifically? What boundaries would I need to put in place, and am I prepared to hold them?

• Who am I making this decision for? My own peace and wellbeing or someone else's comfort?

How Therapy for Relationships Can Help

This is one of the most significant decisions a person can make, and it's also one of the loneliest, especially in communities and families where estrangement is seen as a betrayal, a disgrace, or a sign of ingratitude. Therapy offers something hard to find anywhere else: a space where you can lay everything out without fear of judgment, without worrying about hurting someone's feelings, without the weight of family loyalty silencing your truth before it gets a chance to breathe.

In our work together, we can look at what actually happened in the past–not to stay stuck in it, but to understand it clearly. We can talk about how it's shaped who you are today, what you need now, and what you'd like this relationship to look like going forward. Whether that's full reconciliation, limited contact with firm boundaries, or no contact at all, the goal is for that decision to be yours.

You deserve to have that kind of support as you figure this out. The relationship you have with your family, especially your parents, shaped your earliest understanding of love, safety, and your own worth. Deciding how (or whether) to move forward with them is not a small thing. You don't have to do it alone.

If you're navigating a difficult family relationship and trying to find clarity about what's best for you, I'm here to help. This is exactly the kind of work therapy is made for. Reach out for a 30-min complimentary consultation to find out what you need to help you feel safer, heard, and grounded.

I would like to be clear that this blog post is not intended to substitute for professional counseling. If you are in need of support, please consider speaking to a professional counselor.

Cheryl D. Perry MA LCMHC LPC NCC